As of late, my best friend/roommate Lori and I have reached a point in our relationship where we don't always have things to talk about. Not in the bad way, like our relationship is faltering, it's just that our lives are so boring and repetitive that the "How was your day?" conversation is becoming quite monotonous. Classes and work, same days and times every week...there's only so much to say. I'm doing well to come up with one interesting anecdote on any given day.
All that to say, as of the last few days, our conversations have become more...deep. Introspective. Feelings and issues and all that jazz. (Now "All That Jazz" will be stuck in my head all day. Awesome.) One of our conversations has stuck with me now for a couple of days, so maybe blogging will help me sort it out. On a late-night McDonald's run, we discussed the necessity of bad experiences in life to help one grow. That heartbreak that you have to have to really understand love, that test you have to fail so that you no longer take success for granted, etc. In the situations when it deals with a person, the fine line between being grateful for the person and being grateful to them. This referenced a certain situation in particular, and while I am thankful that it happened, because I learned things that I needed to know, I don't think I'll ever be able to feel positively toward the aforementioned person. While he gave me what I needed, he did so unintentionally. And here, we had the interesting part...what if it had been intentional? What if this person had hurt me on purpose because they knew it would benefit me in the long run? Do you have strength of character for being able to do that for your friend's greater good, or does it just make you a jerk?
In my eyes, one word can sum up that attitude.
Arrogant.
Life is complicated. Everyone's life is, to some degree. In addition to the monstrous things in your past that cause you to have issues, there are a million little things in your life that have made you the way that you are today. I see it this way: Where your life is concerned, you are the one person who's been present for all of it. You were there for every event that's made you who you are, even if you don't realize the impact of said events. Yet, more than likely, you still don't totally understand what you need. So how can someone else come in, who has been there for relatively little and understands what's going on in your head even less, and figure out what it is you need? I understand the validity of having an objective viewpoint, because it can be hard to see from inside your own mess - you're just too involved. But even if someone else were to understand everything that you have ever been through(and I doubt that very strongly), there's still one more thing to consider: the future, and not a single person can tell you what that holds for certain. You could hurt your friend in whatever way because you've convinced yourself that's what they need, and it will be better for them in the long run - and then they could die tomorrow, and all you did was make the last day of their life miserable. Yeah, you're awesome. We'll bake you a cake and celebrate.
Not that I'm saying you should be afraid to be tough on your friends. That's part of being a good friend. But to put them in situations intentionally to hurt them, because you, with your bits and pieces of knowledge about their life and your supposed understanding about their future, have deemed it necessary? Hurtful. Manipulative. And incredibly conceited.
I believe in God. I believe God has a plan. I believe that there are events that will happen in my life to make me grow, to cause me pain so that I am stronger. What I'm not buying is that He's shorthanded, or maybe just not creative enough to make it happen on His own, and needs your assistance.
Rude. Just plain rude.
~Kassius~
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