Lessons Learned

"There is nothing like going back to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." - Nelson Mandela

I used this in my last post, but it's so undeniably true. When everything else is the same, and your thoughts aren't, you know how you're different from the last time you were there. It's an eye-opening experience.

"When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It's not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for..."

Even when I thought I wasn't sure of what I wanted, I can't think of a time that I've flipped a coin and honestly not been hoping for either heads or tails. It's how you reveal to yourself what you really want. There can be shame in admitting your heart's real desire, but there's none in thinking, "Please, please be heads!" until you realize too late that they are one and the same.

"Even when all hell breaks loose, keep your chin up and keep going. And if you can't, we'll all get behind you and push. But don't ever give up."

You might think this quote would be negated by the fact that the speaker is no longer a part of my life. Some days, it's the greatest idea in the world to me to give up, curl up in a ball and let my life crash and burn. But the sentiment - to keep pushing when everything does, in fact, seem like hell - is one that keeps me going when I can't think of any other reason to push on.

"There's something so...perfect...about being one step ahead of the world. But then steps turn to crawls, and crawls turn to dragging yourself through the mud, and all you've done is set yourself free to suffer alone."

At first, I only hid pain because I didn't want to trouble anyone else. Noble if misguided motives, right? But then I discovered the thrilling game that it is, to push yourself to suffer in silence. Fortunately for me, I have close friends that have already been down that road, who have shown me what a mistake it is.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." - Judy Garland

No matter how hard I try, I'll never be Danielle as well as Danielle is. She is her own. No matter how hard I try to find an outfit that looks like hers, it will never look as good on me as it does on her. It's her style, and though I may admire it, I'll never be able to copy it exactly. What I can do is be Kassy, better than anyone else can. It makes me feel a little bit better to be the best at something.

Those are my lessons. Take them or leave them.
Love,
Kassius