Sometimes the only thing I can think of to say is an awful thing to say.
It's Friday night and I have no life. I'm hiding out in the living room in my PJ's watching a movie I've already watched 3 times this week... Yes, I'm watching it a fourth, not because it's so wonderful, simply becuase as I stated previously...I have no life. I'm 19 almost 20... it scares me really. I'm starting to feel like 30 isn't so old. I used to think that 25 was the end of life as you know it. Now that I'm 2 days from 20 I'm starting to feel like maybe life doesn't take as long as I thought it did. I know it sounds like something your 80 year old grandfather should tell you, but here in my life, I feel it for myself, and it's a feeling I'm growing to hate.
As I promised in the title, I do have a Top 10 List...
So here it is....
THE TOP 10 REASONS I DON'T LOVE LIFE RIGHT NOW
1. I'm bored. Sounds like not a big deal....right? It seems like the solution would simply be to go and find something to do right? WRONG. It's not that simple. I can watch tv, read a book, and text a few people and still be bored. My brain needs a challenge, a stronger way to be entertained, and I'm not getting it here.
2. There aren't enough people... If I mention that I live in a house with 7 other people who are all capable of intellegent conversation you'd probably think me and absolute idiot, but it's still true. I need a good...20 people in my life steadly to feed the little social butterfly in my insides.
3. Organized family life is not my forte... I'm not good at it, and it makes it hard for me to pretend everyday that I honestly feel like I fit here.
4. I don't really fit in with the people out here in the sticks.... Kansas wasn't much better but any college has a better variety than the small towns here...
5. I'm struggling to like myself...let alone love myself. It makes the ordinary everyday activities even harder than they should be.
6. Everyone I work with is skinny. Enough said.
7. The weather is starting to get cold. I HATE being cold with a passion.
8. There's a piece of my heart that's far far away.
9. I've been sentenced to the house for the past.... 2 months.
10. I'm bored. I told you it was bad. I have to put bored on the list twice that's how bored I am.
Have I mentioned that I hate birthdays? I'm like the Grinch of birthdays....and Christmas...and Thanksgiving....and Easter....and Valentine's Day....I am the Grinch of holidays...
Birthdays and Christmas are the worst for me. Birthdays remind me that another year has gone by and I'm still insignificant....Christmas is that hateful reminder that it's time for family to gather together and it sort of tosses up in my face that my little family of people I've scavenged for here and there isn't really a family at all...just a group of people who love me that aren't really together like a family so I'm still stuck glomming onto someone elses....
I'm grumpy and I hate the whole world tonight.
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