I'm a tester. It's true.
I push people to their limits wondering to see if they'll still love me.
Do you do that or is it just me?
After someone convinces me that they love me I want to push them away...often more than once...to see if they love me as much as they say.
It's hard not to....
When you were little and your mom told you to....let's say....stop tapping on the window.
You tapped just once or twice more after she told you to stop right? Just to make sure she meant it? No, to see how many more times you could do it before she told you to stop again.
I do that with people....
They tell me they love me.
They seem like they mean it...
Once I start to believe it in my heart I have to stop and I have a mini freak out....
What if I think they love me more than they do?!?!?
What if they'll love me less if they knew....
What happens when they leave???
I like to push people as far away as I can....
If they come back and still love me after that then I think they're worth it.
This makes me sound like a horribly cold awful person....
To be honest I think I love more people than I think love me back...
My problem is that I can't stand the hurt of someone loving me less than I think they love me.
I can love someone without them loving me in return. That's ok. I can handle that.
My heart gets broken everytime though when someone pulls out the "I'll always be your friend" card. It happens....I get to that point where I'm trying to make them know that I love them and I remember them and they don't love or remember me back....after they said always. It's a problem.
I have two exceptions to this rule. I hope the two of you know who you are... If you don't then I fail like none other. I have an always....I have a toujours. I love you both :) Many much mostly. Cross my heart.
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