"What a shame, what a shame
To judge a life that you can't change
The choir sings, the church bells ring
So won't you give this man his wings?
What a shame to have to beg you
To see we're not all the same
What a shame"
I am in love with this song right now...and it makes me think of an old friend. She went to school with Danni and I...and she's sort of a mess. She's been in a lot of trouble, and almost everyone judges her now. She's in rehab now, somewhere she can't contact anyone. To be honest, I've judged her before too, but it's harder now. Yes, she's made bad decisions. Yes, she's been manipulative to get her way more times than I can count. Yes, she has gone on for years and years, and despite offers of help from countless thoughtful souls and the concerted efforts of people that love her, she refuses to change. Yes, I am aware of all of that. I don't blame anyone else for her decisions. And no, I didn't make the same ones.
But I was never a kid in school with ADHD that was just written off as a "behavior problem" and a "mean spirit"...at five? Who's honestly mean-spirited at five? Kids aren't just born that way...they're taught. I'm not accusing anyone here...just saying that kids imitate. At least I had good role models. I never got in trouble for doing things that I was taught were normal. I was never thirteen, getting home from school and having no one to tell about my day. I never felt a compulsion to steal, because I never had a moment's doubt that I would be provided for. I wasn't free to do as I pleased from 4:00 p.m. until midnight because my parents just weren't home. I didn't have a gaggle of boys who chased me when I was skinny and made fun of me when I wasn't, and I didn't struggle with eating disorders as a result. I didn't have friends that accepted me when I was convenient and then dropped me the second something better came along. (Well, I did, I guess...we all did...but they weren't the important friends, to me. Unfortunately, they were hers.) I never felt the pressure to say yes to something because I had said it before, and certainly not at such an absurdly young age at which she had to deal with it. Nor did I have "friends" constantly trying to pull me back into a...hmm...wilder lifestyle no matter how many times I tried to escape.
And try she did. I saw that side of her. The part that really wanted to be good. That really wanted to make something of her life. I met her so many times...but she always got obscured by that other, darker part of herself. She's been fighting inner demons since before most of us knew what those even were.
So it's easy to stand there and judge her from our stable homes with our good parents and our financial comfort and our cute little circles of people that we've picked out and arranged just so, people that we can put in little boxes and that will never disturb the order of our lives. It's easy to say, "That would never have been me."
Really? You're sure of that? Spend a day in her shoes, and you're sure you'd come out smelling like a rose? I, for one, am not.
So, to that girl now: I know you can't read this, but know that I'll always be there if you need me. I remember that Fantastic Four is totally our movie, and that I ate an obnoxious amount of French fries at your house. Thanks for always coming to my birthday parties, even when you were the only one that did, and I rather enjoyed your last birthday shindig as well. You took me to my first college party, where I was offered "KoolAid"...um, no thanks? And for all you complained, you left when I said I wasn't comfortable there. Thanks. When you come back(if you come back)...call me.
Love,
Kassius
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