Roadtrip Tally Board (BORED)
Number of tumbleweeds counted on trip: 104
Funny Town Names: Leoti; WaKeeney; Kanorado: Wamego; Hoxie; Park (command? Request? Location for children to play?): Trego; Ogallah
Phrases spoken by Danni and Chris at the same time: LOTS (probably like ten)
Leftovers still in Colorado: 3 pieces of pizza, two chicken strips; half a biscuit; ¾ of a bag of shredded cheese; one carton of cookie dough ice-cream minus all the cookie dough pieces, and one spoon that got lost somewhere in the dishwasher
Number of obscene songs blared in the Christian school parking lot: Only 1 (Level of Obscenity: 8)
Days gone without Danni cursing: 4
Days gone without Chris cursing: 2
Number of times Chris drove off the road: TO COLORADO 15 FROM COLORADO 2
Amount of Subway dropped in Chris’s lap: many much bread crumblies
Maximum number of miles gone over the speedlimit: 24
Awkward introductions at Chris’s church: basically like 7
Number of church services attended 2 ½
Bitch moves by Chris: One Really Big One (big enough that there should be a song about it)
Creepy sort of stalkerish introductions: One. This one was bad enough that it covers and exceeds Chris’s bitch move.
FML blog: Alabama: 1 Colorado: 1 Kansas(s): 1
Traffic cones Danni was tempted to steal: hundreds
Hilarious commercials seen on TV: 2
Mexican meals eaten: 3
Number of drunk people seen at church: 1 (very drunk Mexican)
I took a roadtrip with my bestie/roomie this weekend…
It was one of those amazing adventures full of lots of little stories that I’ll probably remember for the rest of my life. So on a bright note really quick I finally finished my Jazz (De)Appreciation Class on Thursday, and once again I stayed up way too late the night before the last class to study for my test and finish my final paper and such… but Chris and I decided to make a cake at like midnight because it sounded good. We then realized that we were going to leave the next morning and it probably wasn’t the best idea to bake a cake because we wouldn’t get it eaten before we left and we weren’t sure it would be good when we returned on Monday evening. Unfortunately by the time we thought through all of this we had already put the cake in the oven so there was no turning back. We put the cake in at 12:18 and took it out at 1 something…. It was a beautiful cake so we put it in the fridge finished up our stuff for the night and went to bed. The fate of the cake was still to be determined. The next morning we went to our last class and then had a cheery little lunch in the caf before heading out. You will be happy to hear that the cake was rescued from the fridge and was brought as a passenger in the backseat.
Now let me tell you something about Kansas(s)… it’s ugly. It’s downright ugly. We drove through a flat, foggy state for 4 ½ hours with creepy abandoned farms and houses without roofs and roofs without houses. It’s creepy. Creepy plus ugly = Kansas(s)….but anyway, back to the cake. It was a naked cake. It didn’t have any frosting or sprinkles or anything. Poor lonely cake in the backseat. :/ Things got better for the cake because…. We frosted the cake as we crossed the border from Kansas(s). Not only did we frost it, but we put sprinkles on it too. Did we plan for it to happen as we crossed the border? No…but I think it was a subconscious celebration because we were leaving the ugly fog (horror movie like) state.
An amazing thing happened the first night in Colorado. I went to sleep at 10:30. That’s ridiculously early for me. Like incredibly early. I just thought that would be worth mentioning.
Friday was cool… I saw the mountains for the first time in my life. It was totally amazing. J They’re so big…. It was definitely a new thing for me. While gazing upon the mountains I realized two things about Colorado. 1. Everyone has big dogs that they like to take for walks. 2. Everyone in Colorado has a bike. I met Chris’s brother’s girlfriend Jen on Friday….but not her brother. That made me laugh. We went to Macy’s and I bought a super cheap dress and had French fries from a McDonalds that appeared to have part of a train car attached to the back….? It was weird. We went to Chris’s grandparent’s house and had burritos for dinner. This is where a slight dent got put in my day… I stole property from a senior citizen in a ferocious game of card Monopoly. I don’t think I’ll ever live it down. Things got a little better when Chris and I went to Walmart and bought socks and ice cream… We somehow managed to pack for Colorado without either of us packing socks.
Saturday we took a trek up into the mountains… We saw lots of cool stuff up there in the mountains like deer and elk and all that cool stuff. It was really cold way up there in the mountains. Not just chilly, not just cold….like really cold, ungodly cold in my opinion. Elk and deer are cool, but the best thing spotted on the mountain? A crazy girl getting married ON the frozen lake. It was windy and cold and you wouldn’t think anyone would want to be outside at all, but there she was, a girl in a gorgeous dress getting married out there on the lake. I was impressed. Confession: I fail as a friend. On the way back down the mountain, I (accidentally) alluded to my bestie’s delinquency in front of her mother. Not on purpose, but my brain doesn’t function as well in higher elevation and so it wasn’t really thought about as it came out of my mouth.
That night, we went to King Soopers… the name alone makes me a little confused. It’s not Super…or Souper…. I’m not sure what Sooper is…. Anyway…. Chris and I went to buy dinner (Totino’s and Doritos with cheese) and while we were there we randomly started doing that whistle thing…where you whistle downhill and then make the explosion sound at the end. We got really elaborate with it and added the sound of people running away screaming after the explosion sound. We just happened to be walking past an elderly woman as we were amusing ourselves and she added a “mmraw” maybe to feel more included? Or maybe just to humor us. We consequently burst into giggles. So much so I couldn’t walk.
Sunday was something new. We got up at the crack of dawn and went to church where I sat very still and focused very well. I met a lot of people whose name’s I don’t remember, but I did count seven of them who grabbed my elbow as they said “So nice to meet you…” I do remember meeting Matt (her ex boyfriend) He gave the creepiest introduction ever. He like came up and shook my hand and was like “Hey Danni it’s nice to finally meet you…” One of my pet peeves is when people assume something. It seems cocky to me…. I’d never met him before, I didn’t have any clue who he was until Chris pointed him out to me, but he popped right up and knew who I was. It was creepy and uncomfortable. This is where I insert the best story of the whole trip:
Chris still had two of Matt’s rings and she was going to return them to him. She pointed him out to me at church and was like hey that’s him right there. I just want to say that Chris is really pretty. Matt reminds me of a short 40 year old. The only thing he was missing was a sweater vest, but Chris told me that he owns one….just saying. Now Chris is dating a great guy now and she proudly wears his class ring on the middle finger of her right hand. While Chris and I were discussing how she should give Matt his rings back, she and I joked about handing them to him with her right hand just to sort of flash the new ring. We both decided that would be low, and that she should do it some other way. There was some casual conversation before Chris reached into her pocket with her RIGHT HAND and pulled out his rings. She held out her hand in a fist with the shiny new ring gleaming in the church lobby lights and said “I have a present for you…”. Now I immediately realize that this is the hand….the no no hand. The new relationship hand. The hand we had just decided wouldn’t be the nicest way to give his rings back. Apparently Matt noticed too because he touched the ring. He was all like staring at it…he touched it and everything before Chris decided to tell him to open his hand. It was a long moment. I saw the whole thing in slow motion. Matt didn’t even put them in HIS pocket…he handed them to his friend. There was some more casual conversation about random stuff. I also want to point out, that he was holding a bright pink napkin full of grapes through this whole conversation. Now maybe I’m the only one who finds that amusing, but I thought it might be worth mentioning. Kass, maybe you understand why I find it funny. We have since called this “The Bitch Move” as you saw in the above Roadtrip Tally Board (BORED).
After all that we went to another church and listened to more church during which I sat in the back with Chris texting, laughing, and paying no attention whatsoever. We were there to see Chris’ beloved friend Miriam. Thing I learned at this church: the Pastor wasn’t sure what he was saying “…I’m not saying (insert something here) I’m just saying….(insert other something here)”. Now, while at this church, a very drunk Mexican man who called himself “Daniel” wandered in and requested very loudly several times to ‘see the music’. I thought it was incredibly funny. Guess where we went after that….? Back to church. This time we hung out in the lobby with Chris’s fathers’ body guards. They were cool. One of them…the one with spiky hair told us a story about when he was a cop some guy got hit in the face with the handle of an ax and his lip was like hanging off his face or something…. It was a cool story. We had leftovers for dinner and decided to have cake and ice cream one last time. We had been eating cake and ice cream since we got the ice cream Friday night, but we got like this all natural chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream because it was cheap so it tasted a little funny. So Sunday night, we decided the best thing to do with the ice cream would be to melt it a little and then pick out all of the cookie dough pieces, because they didn’t taste weird. We were super successful and picked out all of the pieces before putting the carton back into the freezer, where it is still sitting because we forgot to dispose of it. After thoroughly enjoying our ice cream we played card Monopoly. It was brutal. I won the last game and was very proud of myself. Now that I think about it, I was in bed before midnight every night in Colorado. I stayed in the guest room with this HUGE bed. It was amazing. I’ve been sleeping in a twin size bed for the past like four years….it was a refreshing change. What was not refreshing was that I’m not good at sleep walking in a new location. Sometimes in the dorm I get up to go to the bathroom but I’m still sort of sleeping so I don’t open my eyes. I have the path to the bathroom memorized. Six steps forward then two to the left then two to the right and two more forward out the door to the hall. In Chris’ guestroom the path to the bathroom is not the same. I got up Friday night to go to the bathroom forgot where I was, didn’t open my eyes….took six steps forward, two to the left and then two more forward and walked into the closet.
Tonight when I wake up to go to the bathroom I can follow the path in my brain safely. I thoroughly enjoyed Colorado… the horrendously long eight hour drive was worth it. I love my roomie.
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